Goodbye, Bachelor!
by Mara Sevvie
Summary: Hermione ruminates on Ron as he attempts to convince she and Harry that the last living Potter "needs" a bachelor party. -AU


Disclaimer: Not mine, as per usual.

A/N: Once again, a one-shot based on a challenge from an RP forum. Had to include a muggle car, a broomstick, and a scar. Enjoy!

**Goodbye, Bachelor!**

_

* * *

_

_'Ronald Weasley is so very, very intelligent,'_ Hermione couldn't help telling herself, _'Or so he thinks, anyhow.'_

The former Gryffindor had to force her laughter down at that thought. It was a little too amusing, really.

Harry had already told her Ron would be trying something like this. In fact, long before Hermione had accepted Harry's proposal he had told her about Ron's "vision" for Harry's future. But it wasn't until she actually saw the warning becoming reality a month or so ago that she believed it.

Ron had been attempting to convince her for weeks now that Harry needed to have a bachelor party. Of course, the word "need" had quickly taken on a life of its own as Ron continued to describe the ways in which it would benefit Harry to have a bachelor party. Never mind that Harry vehemently refused to have one in the first place. Every one of Harry's closest friends (minus Ron, of course) had understood that and was steering clear of any bachelor party talk. The once boy-who-lived had taken enough publicity during school to last him a life time. And then when he defeated Voldemort and became an auror at only seventeen, more publicity was heaped upon him.

The accusations that Harry had been working with Voldemort and was only a minion taking over the reigns of the Dark Lord had run rampant after Voldemort's defeat. Despite all of the celebrations and the knowledge of all those who had watched him kill the dark wizard, people continued to show a distinct lack of faith in their savior for quite some time. Hermione and Ron had both been there throughout the frustrating media attention and slanderous accounts.

Or at least, Hermione _thought_ Ron had been there. It seemed he had been off in another world for some reason because he still didn't seem to understand his best mate's disgust with all the publicity. At least Harry's scar was easier to conceal now that it had faded almost completely; he was having a much simpler time of escaping the media (which Ron often had a hand in for some ridiculous reason).

A quiet sigh escaped the bushy-haired girl. What was Ron doing? Trying to get Harry even _more_ publicity and slander?

At that very moment Ron was going on (again) about the tradition of a bachelor party. That nearly made Hermione snort out loud. The one who had called a bachelor party a "tradition" was Dean Thomas, who had given up on the idea as soon as Harry had said no. In all truth, Ron couldn't care less about the tradition, since it was mostly a muggle one. Nevertheless, he was insistent and was going to either keep on the subject until the wedding day (and perhaps even after the honeymoon, if she knew him) or do something stupid to try and get Harry to go, without her and Harry knowing what he was doing.

As unlikely as the latter prospect was, Hermione kept it in mind just the same. Ron was capable of anything after being denied this often and this strongly.

She decided to sit back and let him prattle for now, although her ears were acquiring a distinct ringing sound that she had come to associate with Ron blathering on about any particularly uninteresting and unimportant subject that came to mind. Harry was staring at nothingness, looking for all the world like a zombie next to his fiancé. A small grin covered Hermione's face, but she hid it with a well-placed and inconspicuous hand. Even looking like a dead-man-walking, Harry was adorable. His eyes were still the most vibrant and beautiful emerald imaginable and the jet black mop of hair was as unruly as it ever was. His partially-sleepy face was endearing in its childlike quality. Across from (and in contrast to) the brunette's future husband, Ron was red in the face from all of his dogmatic speech-making. That orange-red hair of his was sticking to his forehead and there was a dry, squeaking sound to his voice from such extensive speaking. Redness clung to his cheeks and nose most prominently, as if he had a very bad cold. A giggle was bubbling inside of Hermione without warning and it was impossible to keep it down.

After some moments of struggling with her amusement, the female third of the Golden Trio finally could not hold back any longer. A sort of squeak escaped her throat first, followed by a quiet giggle which increased gradually, catching Harry's attention as she began shaking with the strength of her mirth. The last of the Potter line was utterly confused what was so funny and was staring in bewilderment at the bushy-haired woman, eyebrows raised in an excellent imitation of Minerva McGonagall.

Ron was still thoroughly oblivious, rambling and parroting Dean's first explanation of a bachelor party a bit louder than most people found to be normal or conducive to their hearing. Hermione was shaking ever harder as Ron's face grew in frustration when he tried to pronounce _automobile_ (he seemed to think it was a vastly more intelligent way to refer to a muggle car), which caused him almost as much trouble as the word _telephone_. Both Harry and Hermione were always highly amused by Ron's… intriguing… variations on the word. One of which just came out as: "alubotomile").

That did it. Yes, that definitely did it.

Hermione burst into hysterical laughter.

Red and black heads of hair were both turned to her this time, Ron's face a mask of bewilderment. Harry still hadn't caught on to what was so amusing. Perhaps an after-effect of being Ron's closest and best friend for so long was that he became immune to the redhead's quirks during such tirades.

Of course, that really wasn't fair to Harry. The last time Ron had went on a tirade was after he'd allowed a bludger to get past his defenses during a friendly Quidditch match. It knocked Harry upside the head and off of his broomstick. Dear, defenseless Harry had been unconscious while a hysterical Ron Weasley rambled to him about staying alert and quoted Alastor Moody one too many times. Yes, Moody was wise and experienced, but for heaven's sake if she heard Ron shout "Constant Vigilance!" ever again, she'd curse him.

Ron snapped out of his staring at last and looked at Harry hesitantly, pointing at Hermione, whose laughter was now dying down to a quiet, manageable level.

"What's the matter with her?" The suspicion in his voice was ridiculous.

"Nothing." The defensiveness underlying Harry's words was not lost on the brown-haired witch, it was often present when anyone criticized the people he was close to. "WE just haven't caught on to what that joke is. Hermione has a more precise sense of humor than we do. That's one of the many reasons I love her."

A warm, protective arm slid around Hermione's shoulders at the last phrase, which she appreciated immensely.

"Glad I'm not you, mate." The red-haired Quidditch star was being a bit rude, in Hermione's opinion, but she wasn't going to start with him. "She was mad enough in school. Studying every second, no Quidditch, no sweets, and SPEW… Coming into adulthood hasn't helped any, I'll tell you that."

A little… official warning… might be in order, however.

"Don't pick a losing fight, Ronald," the brunette smirked slightly, interrupting Harry's attempted snappy retort. "We don't exactly understand Luna very well, but we don't go around calling her crazy in any way, do we now?"

An unusual shade of crimson crept onto Ron's already-red cheeks at the mention of his new, secret love interest, Luna Lovegood. Only Hermione and Harry knew of it at the moment, thanks to a drunken Ron after celebrating at the Potter-Granger engagement party. Even Luna herself didn't know of Ron's interest in her. She was pretty much clueless.

"Well, anyway." Ron looked ready to start another speech and Harry's pleading look convinced Hermione it was time for lunch. "You should really consider a bachelor par-."

"Yes, Ron, we'll discuss it. I assure you," Hermione cut the gangly redhead off abruptly. "Why don't we have lunch right now? I don't know about you two, but it's been six or seven hours since I last ate."

The near-protests on Ron's part died instantly at the mention of food. Harry chuckled at the same time that Ron's stomach growled. Everyone shared a laugh, despite the vivid shade of red that continued to grace Ron's face.

Harry gave Hermione's shoulder a gentle squeeze and dropped a kiss to her forehead as he rose to follow Ron, who was now prepared to avidly discuss Quidditch strategies and maneuvers for the next game. Only Harry noticed the tip of Hermione's wand protruding from her sleeve just before Ron chose to speak. The emerald-eyed wizard shared a guilty look with his fiancé, but soon chatted up a lively conversation with the redhead at his side about the game they loved so much.

'_At least,_' Hermione thought with a slightly guilty sigh as she followed the two wizards into the kitchen, _'Ron won't remember much of anything about this evening's attempts at a bachelor party, for another two weeks. And fortunately by then it will be goodbye, bachelor!'_

_

* * *

_

A/N: Reviews are always appreciated!


End file.
